About cerealman : Uhm, 15 almost 16. I love music, no joke. That's about it. I'm a pretty boring person I guess.
Never mind. I'm 16 now.
Never mind. 17 now.
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Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25638) - you deserved it (4304)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)
Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22581) - you deserved it (13007)
On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)
Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12516) - you deserved it (4178)
On 03/13/2012 at 10:32pm - work - by Simms (man) - United States
Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20094) - you deserved it (3134)
On 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm - health - by PixieWrists - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16336) - you deserved it (2542)
On 03/12/2012 at 3:48pm - misc - by dumbfriend - United States
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5053) - you deserved it (22849)
On 03/12/2012 at 10:55am - misc - by gengiskarn69 (man) - United States
Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28473) - you deserved it (4127)
On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18941) - you deserved it (1598)
On 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33726) - you deserved it (6001)
On 03/09/2012 at 1:59am - intimacy - by banned - United States (California)
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10633) - you deserved it (36364)
On 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm - love - by gabbykinz13 - United States
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6292) - you deserved it (15699)
On 03/05/2012 at 5:55pm - misc - by mark (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14445) - you deserved it (1193)
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24018) - you deserved it (3321)
On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16715) - you deserved it (18056)
On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23084) - you deserved it (6923)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Monday 17 June 2013
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