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ceg098's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
by shattysituation / 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Work
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Brittany / 12/22/2012 at 9:33pm / United States / Love
by Likian5 / 12/04/2012 at 8:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML
by vanillatwilight2 / 11/20/2012 at 11:50pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm / Nigeria (Lagos) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids
by N / 05/07/2012 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
by Deadman / 04/02/2012 at 9:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
by gengiskarn69 / 03/12/2012 at 10:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out I've miserably failed a college exam. My friend had agreed to pass me answers if I needed them, since I've hardly studied this year. We were on the phone when she said, "Oh, those answers were bullshit. Serves you right, huh?" FML
by Alison / 03/10/2012 at 5:48pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by RequilaRainbow / 01/26/2012 at 2:34am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by omgwhyme / 01/08/2012 at 9:36am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by KrissyBearr / 12/30/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, we were pulling up to KFC when my mom asked what I would want. I said I wanted a breast, to… Today, a customer threw a cup of cole slaw at my face at the restaurant I work at for "not serving… Today, I got braces. When I showed my mom, she said, "At least you'll lose weight because you can't…