About cdncw : I live in Canada.
I like laughing at the misfortunes of others.
My cats are my family:
Don't be shy, say hi.
About cdncw : I live in Canada.
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cdncw's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss' daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 12:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother. And my mom texted me asking me to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML
by this_is_fucked / 10/24/2009 at 5:23pm / Zimbabwe (Mashonaland East) / Intimacy
Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML
by meg265 / 10/24/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML
by shitballs_911 / 10/07/2009 at 7:13am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Miscellaneous
by fatty / 09/23/2009 at 2:47am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger than me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML
by nen_00 / 09/14/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML
by m / 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm / United States / Love
by Hairball / 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work
by tool / 04/09/2009 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
by blizzard_of_77 / 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML
by manlyman / 04/05/2009 at 9:32am / United States (Virginia) / Health
by littleone37 / 04/03/2009 at 2:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately, she has a hood piercing that got caught on my tongue ring, and neither of us could get them apart. We had to call my mom in to solve the problem. FML
by Truan / 03/25/2009 at 5:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend. I was bored so I decided to mess around. So I put down my remote and unbuttoned his pants. Two minutes in he said, "Hurry up, we're getting killed without you. Besides you're way better at video games." FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 3:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Geek
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…