About cb1002630 : Bachelor of Biology. I absolutely love The Office and can quote vast amounts of epicness on command.
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cb1002630's favorite FMLs
Today, my 3 year old woke up at 2 am and refused to go back to sleep unless she could sleep with her father and me. Normally we would have said no, but both of us being so tired, we said yes. She slowly kicked me out of my side of the bed and now I have to sleep on the couch. FML
by MissShei / 03/11/2013 at 4:37am / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
by Tai / 10/31/2010 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by caughtorangehanded / 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by ladyhavery / 06/28/2010 at 9:28am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by ShowOff / 03/11/2010 at 3:13am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
by funyfunkid / 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML
by failfailfail / 09/30/2009 at 9:36am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML
by Anonymous / 07/21/2009 at 2:06am / United States (Texas) / Transportation