catrina_swims

Search for a member

catrina_swims

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1334
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About catrina_swims : Hey guys! well here's me, I'm just your typical everyday girl. I love swimming, writing, and having fun. I'd you wanna talk, just message me:)

catrina_swims's page activity

Visits<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 4:31pm<b>monkeycrutch</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 6:55pm<b>julianvasquez</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 3:00am<b>hahatofunny</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 12:15am<b>howdeedoo</b> - the 12/17/2013 at 2:21pm<b>chargers2588</b> - the 09/05/2013 at 3:12pm<b>TheRandomIndian</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 6:57am<b>Covenant74</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 11:30pm<b>IHATEFMYLIFE</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 2:47am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 10:52pm<b>dinosxxrawr</b> - the 07/06/2013 at 4:44am<b>k_gils</b> - the 06/21/2013 at 2:44pm<b>jordantater95</b> - the 06/21/2013 at 2:41am<b>ayazdgrade</b> - the 06/11/2013 at 1:32pm<b>Rob2342</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 2:37pm<b>ZombieGuyCXV</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 6:38pm<b>Christinesayyys</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 3:43pm<b>aa1717</b> - the 06/07/2013 at 10:30am

catrina_swims's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of catrina_swims's badges

catrina_swims's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals

Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML

by xxSecretAngelxx / 08/19/2013 at 2:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

by Fitz / 07/29/2013 at 2:30am / United States / Work

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

by realitybites / 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

by BlueB / 07/06/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

by The fuck, junior? / 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

by sorry, kiddo / 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Kids

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed my PIN code into the microwave. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 10:57am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, in a fit of paranoid hysteria, my mom threw out my phone, claiming the NSA can look through the camera to spy on me. I guess that's why you're still using your own phone to sext your latest boyfriend, eh mom? FML

by whoriblemomindeed / 06/20/2013 at 12:02pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I was playing around with it, and my neighbour saw me through the window. She came over to yell at my parents about my "addiction" to marijuana. When my parents told her to get lost, she called the cops and tried to get me arrested. FML

by aimee_alexis / 06/20/2013 at 1:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.