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catgofire

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catgofire
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  • Number of visits : 631
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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catgofire's favorite FMLs

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

#113943
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58792) - you deserved it (20293)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by NeverGonnaGetAny (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

#99945
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70763) - you deserved it (6536)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by not getting any anymore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

#98497
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74692) - you deserved it (5564)

On 02/21/2009 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by pchemist (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

#81236
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41389) - you deserved it (21580)

On 02/19/2009 at 7:17pm - health - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

#79669
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46505) - you deserved it (4560)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

#70392
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67997) - you deserved it (4067)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by not-so-young-shortie (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (213796) - you deserved it (73288)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "no that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

#54872
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40328) - you deserved it (4202)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by IBleedArbor - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

#45949
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37953) - you deserved it (5291)

On 02/15/2009 at 6:35am - misc - by cjk004 - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

#38789
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42740) - you deserved it (7102)

On 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Shamu (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of WarCraft." FML

#34266
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45028) - you deserved it (7041)

On 02/12/2009 at 10:46pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

#29912
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (152601) - you deserved it (44633)

On 02/12/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by alhummel21 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

#27684
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65418) - you deserved it (3076)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by sober (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

#27684
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65418) - you deserved it (3076)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by sober (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

#19635
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29048) - you deserved it (1985)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:58am - misc - by neversayhiagain (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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