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carkel

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carkel
  • Town/Country : Tracy, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 25 August 1993 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 1447
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About carkel : Yo. Go ahead and make up your own backround story of me. You probably know me better.

carkel's last visitors

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carkel's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

carkel's favorite FMLs

Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML

#14796617
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16878) - you deserved it (36427)

On 02/01/2011 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by theshameofit (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

#13782516
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35236) - you deserved it (6548)

On 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by single (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

#9041294
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30368) - you deserved it (2164)

On 03/13/2010 at 5:35am - intimacy - by Grossed Out - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

#8124338
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37749) - you deserved it (2611)

On 02/11/2010 at 7:22am - misc - by Biological (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

#8045354
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40477) - you deserved it (2752)

On 02/09/2010 at 7:22am - health - by SickSmick (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

#7845812
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34449) - you deserved it (2444)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:58pm - love - by bluebride (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a dress up party. The theme was pirates and prostitutes. At the door I was handed a voucher that said: 'Thank you for dressing up. Collect your free drink at the bar.' I didn't dress up. FML

#7839912
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6454) - you deserved it (31506)

On 02/03/2010 at 3:42am - misc - by notaprossie (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

#7789192
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11610) - you deserved it (31982)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by overexcited (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

#7744599
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6242) - you deserved it (26854)

On 01/31/2010 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

#7139059
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21470) - you deserved it (5193)

On 01/04/2010 at 1:43am - health - by sadface (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11940) - you deserved it (33194)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

#6382728
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26915) - you deserved it (2400)

On 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by WhyTheEff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

#6342869
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29968) - you deserved it (10816)

On 11/17/2009 at 4:19pm - money - by fmfl (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

#6297066
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6980) - you deserved it (24480)

On 11/14/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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