carbon789

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carbon789

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 4 March 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1024
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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carbon789's page activity

Visits<b>bluejayfan02</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 12:26pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:10pm

carbon789's FML badges

50 favourites

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Consolation prize

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Up and coming moderator

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carbon789's favorite FMLs

Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter or my son. Turns out they all are. FML

by oxymorons / 09/05/2011 at 5:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML

by only1bigdogme / 09/03/2011 at 1:24am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies. I was seated next to a woman who talked through the film and said: "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

by RensM / 08/20/2011 at 5:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

by teeth / 08/10/2011 at 1:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

by Paul / 08/07/2011 at 9:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

by Wife / 08/07/2011 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

by meach / 08/06/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, a riot broke out while I was on shift at the community swimming pool. A family snuck in soap so they could use the pool as a giant bath tub. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 3:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML

by mimabee / 06/14/2011 at 9:56am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

by xmeatballx21 / 06/03/2011 at 5:57am / United States (South Dakota) / Work

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

by OhDear / 05/24/2011 at 9:34pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML

by French / 05/04/2011 at 1:29pm / Switzerland (Vaud) / Work

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 6:39pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Money

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

by hehe / 02/02/2011 at 6:57pm / Transportation

Today, a cop pulled me over because there was a sign hidden behind a tree that said "No left turn". As I was getting my ticket, I watched as three cars turned left. The cop saw them, laughed, and said, "I guess you're the unlucky one." FML

by copper / 01/29/2011 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous