Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

capnbzarr

Offline (21 hours ago) | Search for a member

capnbzarr

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 November 1982 (32 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2279
  • Number of comments : 472
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About capnbzarr : Sometimes, there's a man.

capnbzarr's page activity

Visits<b>Scorcher255</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 4:10pm<b>lesley3r3</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 2:42am<b>Miss_Swanky</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 9:59am<b>sadieloretta</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 9:53am<b>sisas</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 5:22am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 5:41am<b>Much2Much4U</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 11:44pm<b>kaz55</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 8:09pm<b>MidnaLink</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 6:57pm<b>feven</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 5:05pm<b>missblove</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 12:58pm<b>taintedtruffle</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 9:59pm<b>FanOfAnimations</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 10:42pm<b>starbarbazar</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 2:53pm<b>Dramori</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 3:58am<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 6:59pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 9:05pm<b>mineller</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 5:09am

capnbzarr's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of capnbzarr's badges

capnbzarr's favorite FMLs

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

#18756866
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24912) - you deserved it (3897)

On 01/09/2012 at 1:53pm - misc - by mortifiedgrandchild - United States (Florida)

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

#18316439
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32980) - you deserved it (3127)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

#17754607
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26077) - you deserved it (3156)

On 09/15/2011 at 10:38pm - work - by MrTandy - United States (New York)

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

#15858383
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29676) - you deserved it (4219)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, my computer started acting up. I told my boss I could fix it, but he told me to call the IT department instead. Neither the IT technician or his supervisor could figure it out, so I showed them what was wrong and how to fix it. I was promptly fired for wasting 2 hours of company time. FML

#14475268
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35049) - you deserved it (3614)

On 01/05/2011 at 3:25pm - work - by worksux (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

#11861261
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10760) - you deserved it (37290)

On 07/13/2010 at 10:10pm - work - by magnolia (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

#6364949
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7432) - you deserved it (25735)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

#5655008
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12385) - you deserved it (36016)

On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28854) - you deserved it (85925)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

#853708
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92030) - you deserved it (27461)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML

#316812
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80795) - you deserved it (5684)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML

#161077
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42467) - you deserved it (26460)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:55pm - love - by sprocket (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

#159713
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17635) - you deserved it (43036)

On 02/28/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Slipperywhenwet (man) - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: