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capitalone

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capitalone
  • Town/Country : mission, canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 15 January 1990 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 456
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About capitalone : Hey, I'm 15. I love sports and biking, I'm very fit. I go on FML when I'm bored. As of now, Avenged Sevenfold is the greatest band ever! R.I.P Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan. A7X foREVer! :)

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capitalone's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

capitalone's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31367) - you deserved it (3516)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29015) - you deserved it (86344)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
503 comments

I agree, your life sucks (117125) - you deserved it (5933)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
527 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17688) - you deserved it (48494)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

#17044811
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34954) - you deserved it (4836)

On 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm - money - by Lame (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

#17029350
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28182) - you deserved it (19444)

On 07/08/2011 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Joe - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

#16727847
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40742) - you deserved it (5162)

On 06/18/2011 at 11:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

#16525505
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36522) - you deserved it (5896)

On 06/06/2011 at 3:44am - intimacy - by ... - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

#16510507
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16883) - you deserved it (39591)

On 06/05/2011 at 3:23am - intimacy - by yup - United States (Washington)

Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML

#16474774
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30779) - you deserved it (2133)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:44pm - work - by corn - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

#16474078
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40116) - you deserved it (2868)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML

#16237005
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50863) - you deserved it (3926)

On 05/18/2011 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by levi69 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

#16041715
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12483) - you deserved it (25632)

On 05/04/2011 at 5:11am - misc - by Derps (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

#16002585
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50154) - you deserved it (4842)

On 05/01/2011 at 10:30am - intimacy - by nothanks - United States (Texas)

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

#15929536
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25315) - you deserved it (13740)

On 04/26/2011 at 12:45am - misc - by magicman - Canada (British Columbia)



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