calipilot227

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Offline (the 05/31/2016 at 9:20pm)

calipilot227

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 January 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1417
  • Number of comments : 75
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About calipilot227 : I love the smell of jet fuel in the morning...

calipilot227's page activity

Visits<b>suprisebitch</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 4:25pm<b>Avi8r</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 1:39pm<b>thunderfucked</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 6:12am<b>buffalo883</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 2:37pm<b>dreamrules</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 3:27am<b>ThatSlappinBass</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 8:42am<b>Zacky_Chan</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 1:44pm<b>____gerard____</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 5:07am<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 10:43pm<b>patrickeli</b> - the 12/20/2014 at 4:52pm<b>katiebug2968</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 1:23am<b>orbit</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 1:01pm<b>thefmlman2011</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 5:54pm<b>lastunusedname</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 10:39pm<b>Danny_Boy12</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 11:55pm<b>PIGaming</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 12:56am<b>euphoriagorillaz</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 6:15pm<b>jakerrrbaker</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 6:10pm

Fucked!<b>Avi8r</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 8:03pm<b>____gerard____</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 11:07am

calipilot227's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of calipilot227's badges

calipilot227's favorite FMLs

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

by seekerglow176 / 04/27/2013 at 8:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

by lonely girl / 03/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML

by anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:13am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

by jay ze punk / 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

by protoplasm stole my seat / 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

by veggieluver / 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

by itsrathersmall / 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

by Darkandcold / 01/09/2013 at 2:23pm / United Kingdom (Devon) / Miscellaneous