calipilot227

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Offline (the 05/31/2016 at 9:20pm)

calipilot227

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 January 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1289
  • Number of comments : 75
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About calipilot227 : I love the smell of jet fuel in the morning...

calipilot227's page activity

Visits<b>suprisebitch</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 4:25pm<b>Avi8r</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 1:39pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 7:51pm<b>thunderfucked</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 6:12am<b>buffalo883</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 2:37pm<b>dreamrules</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 3:27am<b>ThatSlappinBass</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 8:42am<b>Zacky_Chan</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 1:44pm<b>____gerard____</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 5:07am<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 10:43pm<b>patrickeli</b> - the 12/20/2014 at 4:52pm<b>katiebug2968</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 1:23am<b>orbit</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 1:01pm<b>thefmlman2011</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 5:54pm<b>lastunusedname</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 10:39pm<b>Danny_Boy12</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 11:55pm<b>PIGaming</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 12:56am<b>euphoriagorillaz</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 6:15pm

Fucked!<b>Avi8r</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 8:03pm<b>____gerard____</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 11:07am

calipilot227's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of calipilot227's badges

calipilot227's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

by pitytitty / 01/09/2015 at 4:11am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

by Brody89 / 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML

by ZombiexIce / 02/09/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2013 at 3:07pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML

by fuck you, boss / 12/20/2013 at 7:30pm / United States / Work

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2013 at 1:02am / Norway / Health

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

by twitterfailsme / 11/04/2013 at 7:08am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Work

Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

by KatieElizabeth / 10/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

by momaaa1342 / 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

by mustabeendrugs / 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

by ¬_¬ / 07/27/2013 at 6:43pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

by poopiter / 07/27/2013 at 2:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm / United States / Health