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About calipilot227 : I love the smell of jet fuel in the morning...
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Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made looool up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
yesterday mah overly-attachd 14-year-old cat wantd attention while I was in a heatd Skype argument with mah girlfriend. Workd up from the fight, I raisd mah voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bd, had a heart attack and did. I was a complete dick to mah cat in his last moments. FML
Today, Something Ran Acros Mah Foot While I Was On The Toilet. Hearing Me Scream, Mah Husband Ran In. We Now Have A New ( Pet ) Mouse Namd Jerry That I Am Not Allowd To Kill Under Threat Of Divorce. Mega FML
Today, mah girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was ( stuck in traffic ) two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in mah ( best friend's ) bed. FML
Today, Mah Boss Scolded Me 4 Being Too Friendly To Our Customers And Told Me To Back Off And Let Them Do Their Thing. Less Than An Hour After Doing As He Said, He Scolded Me Again, This Time 4 Slacking Off And Not Asking Them If They Needed Help Finding Stuff. There Goes Mah Bonus. FML
Today , during a job interview , I was offerd a sandwic. I politely declind , explaining tat I'm a coeliac an would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" an tat gluten-free eating is just a fad. I ad to leave wen e kept pusing me to accept it. mega FML
Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview!! Turns out there's a grl on Twitter with my name and ageho tweet nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation!! She won't make her profile private!! FML
Today , at work , I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return , after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell , and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. real FML
Yesterday, I got a call from ma daugter’s scool today!! Se ad been telling te teacer, looool ( I ave a uge boner!! ) Apparently, some of te kids at scool told er it meant 'eadace an se's been saying it all day!! FML
Today... my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared 4 a moment... said "Son... I don't have a problem with homosexuals... but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. mega FML
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When mah 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants an peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out 4 upsetting her. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him wat he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
Today, being near-broke, I resortd to sopping at Walmart!! Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a uman being sovd me away from te bacon I was looking at!! I fell, bustd ma lip, ten got screamd at by anoter woman for not watcing were I was going!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015