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california283

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california283
  • Town/Country : somewhere in California, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 18 August 1993 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 943
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About california283 : I hate you.

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california283's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

#17661103
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44155) - you deserved it (5322)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

#17629436
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21208) - you deserved it (4773)

On 08/31/2011 at 12:25pm - love - by faceless_sailor8 - United States

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

#17188929
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39349) - you deserved it (3268)

On 07/20/2011 at 9:38am - misc - by therundown - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

#16525505
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36519) - you deserved it (5896)

On 06/06/2011 at 3:44am - intimacy - by ... - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

#16494046
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41977) - you deserved it (3131)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:15am - work - by zain - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter turned 18. She decided to use this day to tell me everywhere her and her boyfriends have had sex in my house to get revenge for being overprotective. FML

#16451971
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20611) - you deserved it (56137)

On 06/01/2011 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

#16416725
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46147) - you deserved it (4201)

On 05/30/2011 at 11:46am - misc - by Jess - United States

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

#16408581
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9602) - you deserved it (41975)

On 05/29/2011 at 9:45pm - work - by milkymoo (woman) - Cyprus

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

#16271302
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37869) - you deserved it (3941)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with "liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

#16221236
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12518) - you deserved it (62215)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

#15852392
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27792) - you deserved it (12488)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:29pm - work - by Stupid (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

#15678976
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28703) - you deserved it (10134)

On 04/07/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said: "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

#15662595
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27502) - you deserved it (4653)

On 04/06/2011 at 7:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML

Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML

#15392908
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28832) - you deserved it (9859)

On 03/20/2011 at 12:52am - love - by changeddaily (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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