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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9639) - you deserved it (57184)
On 08/17/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by hunnydoll (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10277) - you deserved it (30848)
On 08/11/2009 at 4:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40765) - you deserved it (16100)
On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55417) - you deserved it (4004)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11439) - you deserved it (57983)
On 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ohhmydamn (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18842) - you deserved it (48573)
On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64645) - you deserved it (2519)
On 07/29/2009 at 3:32pm - love - by imscrewed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91450) - you deserved it (27400)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (62044) - you deserved it (6754)
On 07/25/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by misopower (woman) - China (Henan)
Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5777) - you deserved it (61035)
On 07/25/2009 at 7:30am - kids - by BlueBaby123 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44310) - you deserved it (3021)
On 07/24/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by mubaki (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I came home from living in Spain for 2 years. My mom made dinner for me, and she had forgotten about my allergy to citrus, because she made lemon chicken. After using my EpiPen, and calling 911 for myself, I heard my mom say to my dad, "She always did have to be the center of attention." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51431) - you deserved it (384)
On 07/21/2009 at 11:19am - health - by Lemonhead (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32604) - you deserved it (7311)
On 07/17/2009 at 1:36am - intimacy - by Cyberella (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35066) - you deserved it (6444)
On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - animals - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52482) - you deserved it (24845)
On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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