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Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17471) - you deserved it (236595)
On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (116050) - you deserved it (11105)
On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40273) - you deserved it (32504)
On 03/08/2009 at 8:00pm - work - by Ricky (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18230) - you deserved it (84949)
On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43727) - you deserved it (35553)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I came to work, to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (77685) - you deserved it (3604)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:10am - work - by oh_mylanta (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14299) - you deserved it (74832)
On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I put my hand into a vending machine to retrieve a bottle of water that was caught in the slot. After a minute, I realized I was trapped. 2 hours, 4 fire trucks, 3 police cars, and 1 ambulance later I was freed. The vending machine was in pieces and the bottle of water wasn't even for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37537) - you deserved it (9645)
On 02/26/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by VenderBender (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14096) - you deserved it (43006)
On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30750) - you deserved it (7949)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by KMKWEEN (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I marked the 6th anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27701) - you deserved it (3627)
On 01/28/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)
Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11029) - you deserved it (34249)
On 01/23/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by killmyself - United States (California)
Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5854) - you deserved it (28488)
On 01/14/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Holymoly - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Monday 20 May 2013
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