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burningmidnight
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This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

#20427288
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30388) - you deserved it (3629)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:49am - misc - by Ren - United States (Ohio)

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

#20427124
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37136) - you deserved it (7753)

On 12/28/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Alone - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML

#20407433
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11351) - you deserved it (29746)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24594) - you deserved it (4703) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, I overheard my parents fighting about who has been the most loyal. I found out my Dad has cheated twice, and is still the most faithful of the two. FML

#20198811
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25506) - you deserved it (1441)

On 12/10/2012 at 6:41am - love - by slenderman908 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

#20155705
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24973) - you deserved it (1079)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by Screwed - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML

#20111523
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12931) - you deserved it (1680)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:08am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

#20030776
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14115) - you deserved it (7691)

On 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm - animals - by speshlk37 (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

#20020225
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30954) - you deserved it (1581)

On 08/14/2012 at 5:06am - love - by cclllc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

#20008728
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19913) - you deserved it (2213)

On 08/08/2012 at 12:19am - money - by Heinz (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML

#19815411
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25602) - you deserved it (1878)

On 06/19/2012 at 10:15pm - animals - by jnr1234 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

#19743527
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33936) - you deserved it (5623)

On 06/06/2012 at 10:19am - misc - by Bishop (man) -

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

#19627538
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18093) - you deserved it (5759)

On 05/15/2012 at 3:02pm - misc - by FML (woman) - Finland

Today, I'm on a trip to Poland with some friends. We came to experience the country's culture, and to challenge our preconceptions about this part of Europe. We had sat on a bench, and not ten seconds later, a stranger approached and asked, "How much for your friend?" FML

#19626954
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18124) - you deserved it (2306) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/15/2012 at 11:59am - misc - by LearnToLive -



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