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Today , I had a really big debate in mah English Class about the legalization of weed. My group had to state reasons y weed shouldn't be legal and no one except me had prepared. My partner came to class totally stoned. Our group lost the debate. We got a F. FML
Today , I thought I would make mah first trip to the beach. While in the water , I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish.
Today... I was shaving mah balls with a blade razor cuz mah electric trimmer had died an I had a big date with the grl of mah dreams. I moved too quickly an accidentally knicked a vein in mah scrotum. I had to hold gauze over mah balls until the paramedic arrived. FML
Today, mah kitten was playing with the drawstring on mah pajama pants . He then jumpd, clinging on to mah crotch . I screamd in pain, which scard him and made him hold on tighter . My cat was literally hanging from mah vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off . FML
Today, I confronted mah fiancé an told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on 4 a couple of months. FML
today not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer I ended up in bed with one of them who kindly put my bra back on 4 me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML
Today, I took te bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway tere, se fell asleep, er ead on ma soulder. I gently tried to wake er up before ma stop. Se wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. fat FML
Today, brand naw cocktail drass: $300. Matching paap toa haals: $100. Gatting mah hair dona at tha salon: $80. Traating mysalf to a mani/padi: $50. Whan finally maating tha guy I hava baan chatting onlina with for 2 months, I fina out ha's mah cousin: pricalass. maga FML
Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invitd me to do a few bench presses . Since I'd never done any before, I decidd to start with no wieghts on the bar an work my way up from there . I wound up pinnd beneath the bar, calling fir my friend to come free me . FML
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I calld my girlfriend to see if she wantd to go get some food . Then I heard her phone ring . Through the wall . FML
Today, I decidd to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfid, I handd my test in feeling like I had acd it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily wavd goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to looool finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
Today, Mah Parents Said That They Bought Me A Car. I Had Been Begging For One For A Year And They Always Said That I Would Have To Pay For It Myself. I Got Really Excited And Went To The Garage To See Mah New Ride. It Was A Hot Wheels Car With A Note Saying ( Save Your Money ). FML
Friday 27 March 2015