- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Mister
- Birth Date : Not specified
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 2330
- Number of comments : 3
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted
This member hasn't filled in their description.
This member hasn't filled in their description.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I met a cute girl at a dance club. I entered her number in my phone just before she left the club. With a proud smile, I turned the screen towards my buddy, showing off my accomplishment. Attempting to give me a friendly pat he accidentally closed my phone. I hadn't saved the number. FML
by philderichmond / 06/13/2009 at 10:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a really big debate in my English Class about the legalization of weed. My group had to state reasons why weed shouldn't be legal and no one except me had prepared. My partner came to class totally stoned. Our group lost the debate. We got a F. FML
by crazyjohnny / 06/01/2009 at 2:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML
by Heather / 05/31/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Holidays
Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML
by ITguy1982 / 05/28/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by silvercity09 / 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML
by Anonymous / 05/24/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer I ended up in bed with one of them who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML
by Permafucked / 05/12/2009 at 10:23am / United States (South Dakota) / Love
Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML
by MarcusJones713 / 04/08/2009 at 7:17am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by rebekah / 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML
by rutho / 03/27/2009 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2009 at 9:04am / Malta / Intimacy