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bryonyb33's favorite FMLs
Today, I got hit by a USPS truck. Luckily, I have car insurance. Just kidding. My insurance got cancelled two days ago for lack of responding to letters they sent. Letters that the USPS didn't deliver. FML
by lentkaysi / 09/10/2015 at 6:55pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, my mother-in-law got her driver's license, despite being prone to fainting, seizures, and being on so much medication that she sometimes forgets where she is. She now wants to drive us to all our family functions, and my father-in-law won't object because he doesn't want to damage her self-esteem. FML
by PhoenixChick / 09/08/2015 at 2:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/19/2015 at 7:45pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by bailey_biz / 01/08/2015 at 7:52am / United States (New York) / Love
by fishtacos / 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by longdrive / 10/14/2014 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by lacy / 03/01/2014 at 3:23am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML
by Anonymous / 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm / United States (New York) / Health
by RaccoonFever / 01/10/2014 at 6:15am / United States (California) / Animals
by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Alabama) / Love
- Today, instead of taking a nap, my son took a huge shit on the carpet in his room and coveted it up… Today my girlfriend needed to talk to me. My family put me in a lot of debt then kicked me out for… Today, despite having a cold, I decided to surprise my husband by baking a batch of brownies. I was…