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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, I got hit by a USPS truck. Luckily, I have car insurance. Just kidding. My insurance got cancelled two days ago for lack of responding to letters they sent. Letters that the USPS didn't deliver. FML
Today, my mother-in-law got her driver's license, despite being prone to fainting, seizures, and being on so much medication that she sometimes forgets where she is. She now wants to drive us to all our family functions, and my father-in-law won't object because he doesn't want to damage her self-esteem. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML
Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML
Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML
Friday 27 November 2015