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brookeo13's favorite FMLs
by dudster25 / 04/10/2016 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2016 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
by anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 12:11am / United States (Maryland) / Money
Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 4:21pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 9:43am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML
by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
by sorkin15 / 03/24/2016 at 5:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, my girlfriend of two months and I are in completely different points in our lives. She ambushed me with ideas of having kids, getting married and being together forever. Currently, my biggest concern is passing the tenth grade. FML
by NordicNathan / 03/14/2016 at 12:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, an attention seeking weirdo who thinks she's my friend asked me who was going to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Knowing what she was really asking, I said I just want a small, non-fancy wedding with no bridesmaids. She broke down into a sobbing mess in front of me. FML
by Anonymous / 03/12/2016 at 6:13am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML
by GetAnotherRoomAlready / 03/12/2016 at 12:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML
by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 7:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by man-period? / 03/02/2016 at 1:48am / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML
by MemoKrosav / 01/29/2016 at 10:54pm / Mexico (Tamaulipas) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep… Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw… Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally,…