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Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML
Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML
Today, while with a large group of friends, my best friend started talking about my struggles with dating and intimacy. I quietly asked her to stop talking about it, as it was personal and I wasn't comfortable with everyone else knowing. Her response? "Um, it's really none of your business." FML
Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML
Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML
Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML
Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML
Friday 2 October 2015