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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10055) - you deserved it (29165)
On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States
Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15271) - you deserved it (3817)
On 02/17/2012 at 7:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28280) - you deserved it (10821)
On 01/16/2012 at 6:09am - love - by Crashburn (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41070) - you deserved it (36319)
On 01/08/2012 at 9:36am - intimacy - by omgwhyme (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6875) - you deserved it (32691)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9336) - you deserved it (29010)
On 10/24/2011 at 1:04am - love - by ShitHappens - United States
Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28308) - you deserved it (1746)
On 10/17/2011 at 12:20am - health - by blarp - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31894) - you deserved it (3365)
On 08/27/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by RainCl0ud - United States (California)
Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26183) - you deserved it (3436)
On 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Roode (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35209) - you deserved it (2973)
On 01/26/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by 123roomielover (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7020) - you deserved it (16751)
On 12/18/2010 at 10:20pm - misc - by me - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20443) - you deserved it (16698)
On 09/07/2010 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Ashley - United States (California)
Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14687) - you deserved it (34387)
On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (550476) - you deserved it (35366)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
I agree, your life sucks (227645) - you deserved it (13768)
On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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