brittnimj

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brittnimj

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 190
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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brittnimj's FML badges

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I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

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brittnimj's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

by Amy / 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm / United States / Money

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

by markzar / 05/05/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

by gengiskarn69 / 03/12/2012 at 10:55am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

by Miss_Kristen / 02/26/2012 at 10:31am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML

 Today, my mom is marrying my ex boyfriend's dad. The same ex boyfriend who I caught cheating on me with my sister. Family gatherings are going to be such a joy! FML

by AL / 09/21/2011 at 1:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML

by unknown / 09/14/2011 at 8:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

by bathroomgirl / 08/11/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML

by JohnyP / 07/09/2011 at 3:04am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2010 at 12:52pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

by Halloweenie / 10/16/2009 at 4:44am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

by hatelittleboys / 10/15/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

by nipped / 09/16/2009 at 9:24am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals