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brittnimj's favorite FMLs
by Amy / 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm / United States / Money
by markzar / 05/05/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
by gengiskarn69 / 03/12/2012 at 10:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
by Anonymous / 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by Miss_Kristen / 02/26/2012 at 10:31am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML
by f_ck_U / 09/21/2011 at 2:47am / China (Zhejiang) / Work
by AL / 09/21/2011 at 1:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by unknown / 09/14/2011 at 8:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML
by bathroomgirl / 08/11/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML
by JohnyP / 07/09/2011 at 3:04am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 01/12/2010 at 12:52pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML
by Halloweenie / 10/16/2009 at 4:44am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals
Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML
by hatelittleboys / 10/15/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML
by nipped / 09/16/2009 at 9:24am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
- Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in… Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off.… Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and…