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bridgid96's favorite FMLs
by leahrb / 02/24/2016 at 1:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished reading a manga series on a website I go on all the time. As I read the last page I got a huge celebratory message from the website saying I was the first one to read every manga on their site. The website opened in 2011 and has over 30,000 manga. My God, I need a social life. FML
by Lesser spotted female gaming nerd / 01/11/2016 at 9:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Geek
Today, after trying unsuccessfully for three or so years to have a baby with my wife, my broodiness has gotten so bad that when I saw a couple with their daughter at the bus stop, I briefly had a daydream where I shot them in the head and took their daughter home to raise as my own. FML
by DesperateToBeDad / 12/31/2015 at 6:57am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2015 at 10:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting my picture taken with my mom and grandma for a portrait. I said it was going to be beautiful when it was done, with three generations of our family in it. My grandma said that would be true, if I weren't adopted. FML
by GraceWaldorf93 / 12/03/2015 at 11:45am / Belize (Belize) / Miscellaneous
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
by coolest_mom / 11/25/2015 at 1:00am / Kids
Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML
by weldingmachine217 / 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner / 11/16/2015 at 1:44am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML
by eyegouger15 / 11/13/2015 at 11:32am / United States / Miscellaneous
by 4lphab3t4 / 11/12/2015 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
Today, I set my car's speed to 125km/h to pass the speed camera announced by a road sign. Sure of myself, for a laugh I flipped the bird as I went by. When the flash went off, I realised that the speed limit was 110 km/h, not the usual 130 km/h. FML
by yvon la moto / 11/06/2015 at 5:26am / Spain (Madrid) / Transportation
Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML
by an egg / 10/30/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Michigan) / Health
by MyLegsHurt / 10/28/2015 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/25/2015 at 9:13am / United States (Florida) / Transportation
- Today, I had to call the cops because some drunk asshat decided to break into my gated yard just to… Today, my large dog sprinted outside to see my step dad because he thought he was going on a walk.… Today, after sleeping in on a week end, I had a dream that I was peeing inside a toilet. Turns out…