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brennboo's favorite FMLs
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
by John W. / 10/12/2011 at 8:37am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Username / 04/21/2011 at 2:30pm / United States / Intimacy
by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by sylverster / 03/15/2011 at 8:37am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
by mom21 / 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 3:13pm / United States / Work
Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 2:09am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 2:03am / United States / Transportation
by homeless / 12/14/2010 at 1:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML
by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML
by Lisaaa / 10/27/2010 at 7:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML
by Blondie / 10/22/2010 at 4:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
- Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going… Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up… Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex…