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brat0064

Offline (the 12/06/2015 at 8:44pm) | Search for a member

brat0064

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4689
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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brat0064's page activity

Visits<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 2:11pm<b>Furby94</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 6:30am

brat0064's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of brat0064's badges

brat0064's favorite FMLs

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

#21499606
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23417) - you deserved it (3460)

On 12/03/2015 at 7:52am - intimacy - by snortingspunk (woman) - South Africa

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

#21495080
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23353) - you deserved it (2153)

On 11/21/2015 at 5:03am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

#21493073
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30403) - you deserved it (3105)

On 11/16/2015 at 1:44am - intimacy - by WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

#21491232
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23702) - you deserved it (2913)

On 11/11/2015 at 11:52am - health - by The horror... (woman) - United Kingdom (Luton)

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

#21490397
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23093) - you deserved it (3133)

On 11/09/2015 at 2:33pm - kids - by Kidsthesedays (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I finally got a good seat on a plane. I don't know what the man next to me had eaten, but I was trapped for two hours next to him as he let out silent, deadly egg farts the entire trip. There was nowhere to escape. FML

#21490176
57 comments

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

#21489374
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24299) - you deserved it (1997)

On 11/06/2015 at 9:03pm - health - by Anonymouse -

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

#21470966
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29275) - you deserved it (2981)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the one guy sitting next to me, and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

#21470559
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22351) - you deserved it (11311)

On 09/20/2015 at 11:23am - work - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

#21470529
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27659) - you deserved it (3406)

On 09/20/2015 at 9:44am - intimacy - by no I've never asked for anal (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

#21469892
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21161) - you deserved it (8856)

On 09/18/2015 at 1:30pm - love - by shitfaced (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

#21467423
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16237) - you deserved it (20784)

On 09/11/2015 at 8:32pm - kids - by busmonster - United States (Virginia)

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

#21439825
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28990) - you deserved it (2648)

On 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm - misc - by Julianapilikusplatosophophes (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

#21340142
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34019) - you deserved it (7157)

On 01/19/2015 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)



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