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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62997) - you deserved it (6332)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)
Today, while walking down the hall of my old school, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Behind the faculty parking lot where I parked my truck, two students were having sex on my tailgate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19244) - you deserved it (1642)
On 10/03/2012 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28460) - you deserved it (4131)
On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20232) - you deserved it (2201)
On 10/02/2012 at 3:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25472) - you deserved it (2087)
On 09/30/2012 at 8:56am - love - by Shortround - United States (Illinois)
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8057) - you deserved it (30709)
On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada
Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16924) - you deserved it (1541)
On 09/28/2012 at 10:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my husband of five years left me for a woman ten years older than himself who lives nine hours away. He met her online two weeks ago while playing Call of Duty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23134) - you deserved it (1532)
On 09/27/2012 at 10:14pm - love - by strawberrywine22 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17148) - you deserved it (2871)
On 09/25/2012 at 7:54am - kids - by HenryRollinsForPresident (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11180) - you deserved it (19378)
On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States
Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35540) - you deserved it (4587)
On 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm - health - by GMD (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17990) - you deserved it (1091)
On 09/06/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15626) - you deserved it (1492)
On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)
Today, I decided to be healthy and go for a run. I broke my ankle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20390) - you deserved it (2504)
On 06/03/2012 at 10:47am - health - by Monkey253100 - France
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20328) - you deserved it (3615)
On 02/16/2012 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by dummy - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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