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bogart20's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
bogart20's favorite FMLs
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
by Spockx / 08/06/2012 at 7:20am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML
by oops / 07/29/2012 at 8:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML
by Jessi / 07/24/2012 at 2:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 4:45pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML
by Raaaaage / 07/22/2012 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Alliente / 07/17/2012 at 5:11pm / United States / Love
by lurna301 / 07/16/2012 at 8:58pm / United States (California) / Love
by nobrony / 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Misky / 07/01/2012 at 10:51pm / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML
by Jacqueline / 07/01/2012 at 4:01pm / United Kingdom / Love
by ohbiebjetaime / 06/30/2012 at 4:09pm / France / Love
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to… Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny… Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't…