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bogart20's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
bogart20's favorite FMLs
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by 3023-dang / 10/15/2012 at 4:27pm / United States / Love
Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML
by triple l / 10/15/2012 at 4:33am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML
by monkeyzz / 10/12/2012 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
by hnickell93 / 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Love
by justabitembarrassed / 10/07/2012 at 10:20am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Valentine_Beauty / 10/06/2012 at 4:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML
by BusinessTurtle / 10/06/2012 at 3:49am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Work
- Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse… Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're… Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I…