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bogart20

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bogart20

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 14 July 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3556
  • Number of comments : 59
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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bogart20's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

#20770214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43151) - you deserved it (4095)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:19am - animals - by PerfectTiming - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49128) - you deserved it (8632)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55138) - you deserved it (3890)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

#20688373
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46138) - you deserved it (9811)

On 05/26/2013 at 11:14pm - love - by JJLight (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66946) - you deserved it (9886)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44343) - you deserved it (4473)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59745) - you deserved it (9043)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59745) - you deserved it (9043)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

#20636386
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33194) - you deserved it (15469)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

#20631829
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29882) - you deserved it (6566)

On 04/29/2013 at 11:32pm - misc - by stupidquestionsstupidpeople - United States (Illinois)

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57727) - you deserved it (19441)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46680) - you deserved it (4824)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27414) - you deserved it (5319)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

#20496820
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9840) - you deserved it (25277)

On 02/07/2013 at 7:31am - misc - by chattyloz (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

#20472335
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39056) - you deserved it (2633)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)



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