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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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bman01

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bman01
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 January 1991 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 12868
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, while working at my life guard job, I noticed a girl bouncing on one foot over to the pool. Afraid she would trip, I whistled at her and harshly yelled "NO running or messing around on the pool deck!" She removed her towel, revealing her legs. Or leg, she only had one. FML

#4406209 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (38545) - you deserved it (13515)

On 08/09/2009 at 11:27am - kids - by ugh.. (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

#4255816 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (36637) - you deserved it (18560)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

#814298 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (59848) - you deserved it (3278)

On 04/05/2009 at 9:32am - health - by manlyman (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

#786333 (535)

I agree, your life sucks (8665) - you deserved it (124867)

On 04/03/2009 at 5:43pm - love - by C0olgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

#622257 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (80471) - you deserved it (6258)

On 03/26/2009 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by ThanksMom (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

#598637 (242)

I agree, your life sucks (55098) - you deserved it (19336)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by fmlsrsly (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML

#594482 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (56333) - you deserved it (7422)

On 03/25/2009 at 1:45am - misc - by face (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138 (281)

I agree, your life sucks (78264) - you deserved it (22331)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

#553783 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (77747) - you deserved it (7208)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

#544318 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (77962) - you deserved it (5750)

On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokemon game. FML

#542382 (453)

I agree, your life sucks (93981) - you deserved it (14504)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by thisreallysucks2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

#260982 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (22864) - you deserved it (70952)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (16262) - you deserved it (39758)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363038) - you deserved it (401383)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

#226392 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (51987) - you deserved it (4267)

On 03/06/2009 at 2:13pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)