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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38508) - you deserved it (2230)
On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17708) - you deserved it (6774)
On 11/28/2009 at 1:32am - love - by tjcl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39607) - you deserved it (3777)
On 11/03/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by doglover (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35206) - you deserved it (3408)
On 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm - kids - by hamster cookie - Sent from mobile version
Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17241) - you deserved it (3500)
On 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37125) - you deserved it (2815)
On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - money - by SnuggieOverload (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33161) - you deserved it (2397)
On 09/23/2009 at 10:47pm - love - by Spatch (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10307) - you deserved it (43492)
On 09/09/2009 at 5:58am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Otago)
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97323) - you deserved it (23462)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78473) - you deserved it (18449)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91563) - you deserved it (27417)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13762) - you deserved it (54736)
On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139774) - you deserved it (32569)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57794) - you deserved it (8767)
On 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by eun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (651411) - you deserved it (12056)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)
Monday 20 May 2013
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