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blinksmilewink's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
by axwound / 12/27/2009 at 8:04am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML
by FlGirl / 12/24/2009 at 2:00am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML
by ApolloandDixie / 12/23/2009 at 1:17am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML
by Anon / 12/19/2009 at 11:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML
by okaythen6 / 12/09/2009 at 6:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML
by oops / 12/04/2009 at 12:23pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
by Cornbreesha / 11/28/2009 at 2:13am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I drove from Seattle, WA to Vancouver, BC for the Three Days Grace concert. I was so excited when I found the building. There was a big readerboard that flashed "THREE DAYS GRACE" and I cheered. Then it flashed "CANCELLED." FML
by illinformed / 11/18/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML
by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 2:21am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by parched / 11/02/2009 at 12:30pm / United States (Indiana) / Money
Today, I was driving my child to school when the car let out a huge bang. It shuddered to a halt. My son started laughing. I asked him what was funny but he wouldn't tell me. The car wouldn't start. I called RACV and they told me the problem. My son had rolled 9 golf balls into the exhaust pipe. FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 1:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
by Brinty / 10/24/2009 at 12:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was finishing up my art project that was due the next day. I was really tired and fell asleep on my table. Three hours later, I woke up to find my project torn to bits. I went out and saw my cat vomitting out feathers and other materials I used for my project. FML
by Meow / 09/15/2009 at 9:21am / Singapore / Animals
by HeShe / 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML
by Boltz719 / 08/23/2009 at 1:10am / United States (New York) / Transportation
- Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My… Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about… Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in…