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blinksmilewink's favorite FMLs
Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Washington) / Work
by seriously? / 09/07/2011 at 1:37pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 09/05/2011 at 8:05am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML
by only1bigdogme / 09/03/2011 at 1:24am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by dragos_dgt / 09/02/2011 at 3:48am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Work
by Bigpoppa0507 / 08/31/2011 at 10:02am / Canada / Health
by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML
by gofixmyhead / 08/30/2011 at 10:53am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML
by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health
by KayDayParade / 08/27/2011 at 8:38pm / United States / Money
Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
by MissCan'tKeepAJob / 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Stevie / 08/16/2011 at 2:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML
by duped / 08/15/2011 at 1:45am / Pakistan (Punjab) / Money
Today, a friend from work threw a party. We each had to dress up as a deceased celebrity. I thought it'd be a perfect time to dress up as Marilyn Monroe. When I arrived to the party, my boss said, "But... Rosie O'Donnell isn't dead." FML
by theonlychildd1 / 08/02/2011 at 7:46pm / United States (California) / Work
by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy