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blinksmilewink's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML
by kira / 10/02/2012 at 6:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/01/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work, when an elderly lady casually mentioned it was her birthday. I motioned two of my coworkers over, and we sang a little happy birthday to her over the phone. Our boss stormed in mid-song and suspended all three of us on the spot for "unprofessional behavior." FML
by karmas a kunt / 09/21/2012 at 8:28pm / United States / Work
Today, I was cycling with my uncle and became increasingly frustrated as we got further and further from our intended destination. It took me a while to figure out that I had somehow lost my uncle and was following a complete stranger. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2012 at 6:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML
by dumbasdogshit / 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/08/2012 at 1:59am / United States / Animals
Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML
by owwwww / 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by magicman / 07/04/2012 at 5:04am / United States / Health
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
by Dreamer / 07/03/2012 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/09/2012 at 12:51am / United States (Mississippi) / Love
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2012 at 10:36pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 10:29am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy
- Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float.… Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it… Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't…