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blinksmilewink's favorite FMLs
Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML
by Ricky / 08/16/2009 at 9:00pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML
by PeepShow / 08/06/2009 at 2:04am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML
by Anonymous / 08/02/2009 at 5:20pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by poop_mcqueen / 07/30/2009 at 2:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML
by umbrella / 07/24/2009 at 7:39am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by joe1234 / 07/16/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML
by crazyt446 / 07/11/2009 at 11:13am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Jeweler / 06/26/2009 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML
by nail714 / 06/25/2009 at 1:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML
by creepyeyes / 06/21/2009 at 2:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML
by Shaun / 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML
by canadiankc / 06/03/2009 at 10:14pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by silvercity09 / 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML
by Tyler_Padgett / 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I had amazing make-up sex after a huge fight. Turns out he forgot to let me… Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me… Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I…