Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

blackman303

Offline (12 hours ago) | Search for a member

blackman303

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 289
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About blackman303 : i noticed the funniest comments get thumbs down... ffs people its a joke don't take it so seriously. I'm also known as black Jesus, so that's something

blackman303's page activity

Visits<b>HitTheRoadJacK3</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 8:16pm<b>waters1701</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 11:44pm<b>kubackster</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 9:23am<b>ItsKennyBaby</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 9:09am<b>BBlah</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 8:34am<b>SMHsohard</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 8:49am<b>tzwinters</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 7:20am<b>sleepwalker13</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 8:11pm<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 3:44pm<b>msmama1985</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 11:27pm<b>levodkamartini</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 10:24am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 02/16/2014 at 1:39pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 12/22/2013 at 8:38pm<b>Redthetrainer</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 10:06pm<b>Gentelman999</b> - the 10/20/2013 at 6:25pm<b>ComMeNeMoMo</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 11:31pm<b>ifightdRty</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 8:05pm<b>Sockturtle</b> - the 08/09/2013 at 10:08am

blackman303's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of blackman303's badges

blackman303's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27787) - you deserved it (4931)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my results on a recent, important midterm. During the exam, I'd noticed my instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet, so being honest, I didn't look at them. It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass. I failed. FML

#20515105
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33249) - you deserved it (13657)

On 02/20/2013 at 4:52pm - misc - by its ok to cheat!? - United States (California)

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (8429)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49269) - you deserved it (13928)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, I had to suffer through a two-hour long trivia game with my boyfriend's family. As if that wasn't annoying enough, my boyfriend caused the pair of us to lose by just a single point, because he answered "Quebec" to the question of "What is the capital city of France?" FML

#20480093
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28285) - you deserved it (6518)

On 01/26/2013 at 5:57pm - misc - by twohoursclosertodeath (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

#20167650
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21587) - you deserved it (3019)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:45am - love - by jasmith - United States (Texas)

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

#20108644
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33209) - you deserved it (3452)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

#20026951
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12140) - you deserved it (22535)

On 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by lonelygirl (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

#20007279
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21236) - you deserved it (2218)

On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29846) - you deserved it (3572)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

#18660623
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24901) - you deserved it (5406)

On 12/31/2011 at 2:24am - animals - by YOURMOM - United States (California)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21477) - you deserved it (9576)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51832) - you deserved it (16554)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

#17557500
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18796) - you deserved it (51021)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: