About bkarp911 : Eighteen.Senior.Five-week-old-babyboy.Engaged.Minecraft.Summer.
bkarp911's FML badges
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
bkarp911's favorite FMLs
Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML
by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 12:40pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Kids
by eric4 / 05/23/2013 at 4:11pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML
by backseatbusted / 05/21/2013 at 12:09pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/20/2013 at 4:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by GaveAnInchTakeAMile / 05/11/2013 at 5:52am / United States / Miscellaneous
by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML
by luvs2spooge89 / 05/01/2013 at 10:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML
by Hahamaster333 / 03/27/2013 at 9:02pm / Miscellaneous
by SolaceInRage / 03/20/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by itsrathersmall / 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML
by kat124ever / 01/07/2013 at 3:35am / United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East) / Love
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
by djl / 12/20/2012 at 12:30am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML
by hatetodisappoint / 10/21/2011 at 2:32am / United States / Love
Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML
by ollie179 / 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
Today, I went out with my boyfriend and thought I'd wear two bras under my singlet-top to make my chest look bigger. Upon leaving Target, one of the security guards noticed the extra straps and accused me of shoplifting. I had to spend the next 20 minutes explaining the situation to security. FML
by embarrassed / 07/03/2010 at 3:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the… Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the… Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could…