bitterpill1

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bitterpill1

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 10464
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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bitterpill1's page activity

Visits<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 12:23am<b>MissyPants</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 3:16pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 03/15/2010 at 11:01pm<b>ipwns</b> - the 05/26/2009 at 11:29pm<b>depinaariana</b> - the 05/26/2009 at 6:46pm<b>username666</b> - the 05/26/2009 at 6:01pm<b>assman266</b> - the 05/26/2009 at 3:34pm<b>GtaTomV</b> - the 05/26/2009 at 2:34pm

bitterpill1's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

bitterpill1's favorite FMLs

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

by loldick / 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

by swedishdude / 11/14/2009 at 8:37am / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

by aqua88 / 11/05/2009 at 10:26am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

by Cellismasher / 11/04/2009 at 5:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

by damnit / 10/16/2009 at 1:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

by dentistvictim / 10/16/2009 at 3:27am / Norway (Oslo) / Health

Today, my teenage son called me at work and started screaming abuse at me. He told me how he never wants to see me again and hopes I die a gruesome death. Why does he feel this way? I beat his high score on Bejewelled 2. FML

by Bewildered / 09/10/2009 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Kids

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

by buzzzzkill / 08/27/2009 at 7:51am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

by nofriends / 08/26/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

by ElevatorThug / 08/25/2009 at 5:17am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a plane and was sitting next to a mom with her 12-year old daughter. Apparently, they decided to have "the talk." On the plane, right next to me. I heard everything, and actually learned new things. I'm 35. FML

by airplanes-suck / 08/20/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

by auslander / 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

by pear8head / 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

by piratequeen / 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy