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bitchpleasemike's favorite FMLs
by fail / 12/05/2010 at 1:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML
by bleh / 11/26/2010 at 7:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML
by sadinmass / 11/13/2010 at 8:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML
by tht1chk / 10/30/2010 at 8:37pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, talking to my boyfriend about each others families, we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name. After a while of trying to figure things out, we decide to call her. Turns out that we are long distance cousins. FML
by Oriianna Raiinbow / 10/23/2010 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my co-worker insisted there must be an underlying, romantic reason for why I spend so much time teaching him everything, and that I didn't mean it when I told him that's what I'm paid to do. I'm actually supposed to train this guy for three weeks. Two more weeks to go. FML
by Anonymous / 10/22/2010 at 6:57am / Singapore / Work
by notyouagain / 10/03/2010 at 3:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by Pr unlucky / 10/02/2010 at 4:07am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML
by awesome / 09/21/2010 at 12:49am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
by hmb / 09/16/2010 at 2:50pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health
Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML
by anonymous / 09/14/2010 at 3:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by onthemarket / 09/08/2010 at 3:46pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/30/2010 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by lee / 08/22/2010 at 3:24am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…