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bitchpleasemike's favorite FMLs
by crushed dreams / 06/16/2011 at 2:20am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML
by sarahwittman / 06/13/2011 at 6:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money
by uetlqdja / 05/21/2011 at 11:31am / United States (Texas) / Love
by wolfie898 / 05/21/2011 at 3:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML
by rockyrocket / 04/26/2011 at 3:19pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health
by CheeseyPotatoes / 04/11/2011 at 9:16am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML
by Arran / 04/09/2011 at 8:24pm / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Love
Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML
by worthless / 04/02/2011 at 8:51pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
by life_isnt_fair / 03/09/2011 at 3:27am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML
by FFFFF- / 03/02/2011 at 12:12pm / Singapore / Love
Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML
by Eric Forrest / 02/24/2011 at 3:27am / United States (Utah) / Work
by Anonymous / 02/12/2011 at 11:52am / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I went over to my crush's house for the first time. Everything was going great until his dog… Today, I was at drama club, rehearsing for a play I'm in. But I had to leave early and so I went up… Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a…