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bitchpleasemike's FML badges
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bitchpleasemike's favorite FMLs
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 8:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by uh-oh / 03/25/2012 at 1:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. The one said to the other "Nope she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML
by jennag5 / 03/24/2012 at 2:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML
by Hana / 03/23/2012 at 3:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Redhead4life / 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML
by Rynne S. / 03/13/2012 at 2:12am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by best friend! / 03/10/2012 at 12:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML
by skid kid / 03/09/2012 at 9:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by Fraser / 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/16/2012 at 4:13pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by workaholic / 02/15/2012 at 6:09am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, after breaking down in front of my therapist over some really sensitive issues, she decided to also break down. Not about my story but about her own life. I'm not being paid to comfort and console my therapist. FML
by ryuken23 / 02/14/2012 at 2:16pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Health
by Illinoisgirl / 02/14/2012 at 9:29am / Hungary (Budapest) / Love
by SpLo0gIeR / 02/13/2012 at 10:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…