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bitchpleasemike's FML badges
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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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bitchpleasemike's favorite FMLs
by dentistrygirl / 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
by Flip / 05/02/2012 at 1:06am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
by Tashie01 / 04/29/2012 at 6:10am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML
by yosenfal / 04/27/2012 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy
Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML
by KC / 04/25/2012 at 4:06pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
by anonymous / 04/24/2012 at 2:18pm / United States / Love
by phoneless / 04/17/2012 at 3:23pm / Jordan / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML
by ilovechickens / 04/14/2012 at 11:46pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML
by erockinthesuburb / 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML
by Baustigt / 04/10/2012 at 6:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
by zazzleface / 04/09/2012 at 8:23am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by ladylarni / 04/07/2012 at 4:20am / Australia / Love
by Jeff make / 04/01/2012 at 10:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by pmek / 03/26/2012 at 5:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by ohno / 03/25/2012 at 9:11am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
- Today, after waiting weeks to hear back from his insurance agency, I got a call telling me that the… Today, working drive through at work, I paid a lady out and told her that her food would be right… Today, the baby I nanny peed all through my clothes. I can't take a shower or change my clothes for…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted…