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bitchpleasemike

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bitchpleasemike

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2143
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

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bitchpleasemike's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

#170978
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46678) - you deserved it (157610)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (155259) - you deserved it (13869)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

#142749
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16265) - you deserved it (89963)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

#131140
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38849) - you deserved it (3797)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:42am - love - by laf@me (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

#94362
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44767) - you deserved it (11361)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:30am - love - by schellbytheseashore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

#55493
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9295) - you deserved it (61166)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML

#40006
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29265) - you deserved it (5816)

On 02/13/2009 at 11:43pm - misc - by crazycutie1027 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at lunch I ordered a coke. The waiter replied "diet coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular coke." He shook his head and said again, "diet coke." FML

#24019
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47417) - you deserved it (7930)

On 02/11/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by J (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

#21834
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79598) - you deserved it (24696)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by peacock_mina19 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32738) - you deserved it (442268)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

#9438
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46036) - you deserved it (13876)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:23am - animals - by #201 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

#6752
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28733) - you deserved it (27791)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm - work - by kprice6 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43018) - you deserved it (3320)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

#689
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19442) - you deserved it (6998)

On 01/03/2009 at 3:38am - misc - by sm@rtie - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

#426
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54419) - you deserved it (3325)

On 12/01/2008 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Maestro - Sent from mobile version



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