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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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bitchpleasemike's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML
by TahRah / 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML
by Noname / 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML
Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML
by schellbytheseashore / 02/21/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
by lunarboy / 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by crazycutie1027 / 02/13/2009 at 11:43pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by J / 02/11/2009 at 2:14am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by peacock_mina19 / 02/10/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by apricot / 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy
by #201 / 02/05/2009 at 8:23am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by kprice6 / 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML
by cockblockingbitch / 01/25/2009 at 12:54am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…