Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

bitchpleasemike

Search for a member

bitchpleasemike

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1888
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

bitchpleasemike's page activity

Visits<b>Random4Dayz</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 2:37am<b>Mynamewontfi</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 4:24am<b>GotItWow</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 12:29am<b>silon5</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 6:07am<b>ThunderTheRad</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 5:59pm<b>wolfgold2</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 7:32pm<b>bummervacation</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 1:59am<b>trinalporpus</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 11:55pm<b>bither95</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 7:41am<b>niatross</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 7:39pm<b>FuhrerBurg</b> - the 02/07/2014 at 6:02am<b>max367</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 11:19pm<b>klondikeberry</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 2:58am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 1:04am<b>that_band_nerd</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 7:20pm<b>BassTurdo</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 4:11pm<b>starlight300</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 8:02pm<b>Live4funny</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 2:41am

bitchpleasemike's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of bitchpleasemike's badges

bitchpleasemike's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108102) - you deserved it (4831)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

#2693631
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53784) - you deserved it (24252)

On 06/07/2009 at 3:21pm - kids - by Ignatius (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

#2471479
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69279) - you deserved it (11453)

On 05/31/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by fmeplease (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22212) - you deserved it (74792)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31910) - you deserved it (141208)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

#1935923
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34557) - you deserved it (3152)

On 05/14/2009 at 5:09pm - work - by overlandparkmommie (woman) - United States

Today, I released some ducks I had hand raised with my sisters at a local lake. They were raised around my huge German Shepherd, which explains why they didn't freak out when two huge dogs came out of no where and killed three of them, in front of my little sisters. FML

Today, one of my teachers asked me to babysit their kids saturday night. She didn't forget that it was Prom night, she was going to chaperone it. My teacher assumed I wasn't invited to Prom... I wasn't. FML

#1712481
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64945) - you deserved it (4630)

On 05/07/2009 at 6:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

#1242967
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11171) - you deserved it (67815)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML

#1035901
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78293) - you deserved it (6176)

On 04/16/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by Kelavmeister (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was playing with his little sister by grabbing her arms and spinning her around. On one turn, she started screaming in pain. It turns out I dislocated both her shoulders. FML

#956665
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30598) - you deserved it (63325)

On 04/13/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by grem (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

#942565
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64430) - you deserved it (10527)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164146) - you deserved it (8404)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: