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bitchpleasemike's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/22/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Nevada) / Love
by volleyballgirl12 / 01/17/2010 at 1:31am / Love
Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2010 at 11:19am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2010 at 2:11am / United States / Holidays
Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML
by Secretisout / 12/21/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by notcool / 12/15/2009 at 4:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 4:47am / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 11:57am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML
by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 2:23am / United States / Money
Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML
by DayamyWuzHere / 11/24/2009 at 5:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML
by Fail / 11/21/2009 at 12:59am / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 3:42am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…