bitchpleasemike

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bitchpleasemike

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4117
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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bitchpleasemike's page activity

Visits<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 8:53pm<b>ackligtful</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 8:35pm<b>IronicLights</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 10:09pm<b>ARCHANGELGABRIEL</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 9:57pm<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 11:31am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 12:13am<b>Burton_Forever</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 11:03am<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 4:11am<b>Wazl</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 3:54pm<b>0XBlazeX0</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 11:42pm<b>doctor__who</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 11:46pm<b>RichHomieAlec</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 5:02pm<b>Sparta2424</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 4:33pm<b>mcspazz731</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 9:25pm<b>Toughsky</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 10:59pm<b>Random4Dayz</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 2:37am<b>Mynamewontfi</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 4:24am<b>GotItWow</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 12:29am

Fucked!<b>ARCHANGELGABRIEL</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 3:57am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 11:16pm

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bitchpleasemike's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that my expensive new shampoo smells exactly like my ex-girlfriend. So now, whenever I shower, I'm showered with depression. FML

by anon / 06/10/2012 at 5:14pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

by Rohirus / 06/07/2012 at 7:09pm / Sweden / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

by ironyisabitch / 06/02/2012 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML

by Briscuit / 06/01/2012 at 5:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

by The Bearded Woman / 05/29/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

by namenlos / 05/27/2012 at 5:53pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

by sick and awkward / 05/20/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 1:02pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

by singleagain / 05/14/2012 at 9:09pm / United States / Love

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

by anonymous / 05/14/2012 at 6:31am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I got all my wisdom teeth out. Have you ever thrown up after mouth surgery? Stomach acid in your bloody gum holes is just as fun as it sounds. FML

by lspicknall / 05/12/2012 at 2:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML

by rawr_fml001 / 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

by 504-A1 / 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, on the bus, I caught the eye of this ugly, sweaty girl giving me a death stare through the driver's mirror. I gave her a death stare back. Only then I realized I was staring at myself. FML

by mhm / 05/05/2012 at 10:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation