About bennetts211 : VOID
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24547) - you deserved it (2859)
On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23540) - you deserved it (3029)
On 11/30/2011 at 9:57am - love - by preggers - Canada (Alberta)
Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4887) - you deserved it (35335)
On 11/29/2011 at 10:26am - misc - by birdfoooo - United States
Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8750) - you deserved it (28914)
On 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30673) - you deserved it (7021)
On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29470) - you deserved it (5253)
On 11/16/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by halloweed (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10875) - you deserved it (21001)
On 11/15/2011 at 10:17pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19819) - you deserved it (2577)
On 11/09/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by blacktyaffair - United States (Texas)
Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25475) - you deserved it (2135)
On 11/05/2011 at 11:59am - misc - by shamed - United Kingdom
Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21835) - you deserved it (1272)
On 10/25/2011 at 12:30am - work - by fire1 (man) - United States (California)
Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37728) - you deserved it (2941)
On 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm - misc - by KaySchrages92 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to school without makeup. No one recognized me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12627) - you deserved it (28990)
On 09/19/2011 at 4:16pm - misc - by Nicole - United States (California)
Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17795) - you deserved it (6821)
On 09/13/2011 at 2:05am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11937) - you deserved it (35901)
On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29010) - you deserved it (7067)
On 09/04/2011 at 5:36am - intimacy - by southernluxe - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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