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bemyhorcrux

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  • Number of visits : 65
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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bemyhorcrux's favorite FMLs

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

#19450814
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23819) - you deserved it (1869)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

#19449472
463 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13899) - you deserved it (36251)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by erockinthesuburb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

#18200253
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56039) - you deserved it (8325)

On 11/09/2011 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38868) - you deserved it (3857)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

#18190231
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43116) - you deserved it (7860)

On 11/08/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by lunarstrain - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

#18190059
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29829) - you deserved it (2300)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:45am - work - by jodafish - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

#18188542
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30537) - you deserved it (2521)

On 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm - work - by lprocter1982 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

#13466592
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28117) - you deserved it (3521)

On 10/16/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29009) - you deserved it (3022)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

#13424544
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13649) - you deserved it (32212)

On 10/12/2010 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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