This member hasn't filled in their description.
bemyhorcrux's FML badges
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
bemyhorcrux's favorite FMLs
Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML
by erockinthesuburb / 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 7:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
by possiblyoverweight / 11/08/2011 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids
by lunarstrain / 11/08/2011 at 1:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML
by jodafish / 11/08/2011 at 12:45am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by lprocter1982 / 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work
Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 7:51pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- « Previous page
- Next page »
- Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it,… Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at… Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds…