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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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beboman

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beboman
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 227
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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beboman's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

#5109294 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (44905) - you deserved it (1955)

On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

#4679110 (343)

I agree, your life sucks (34981) - you deserved it (98543)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML

#4627315 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (39235) - you deserved it (7358)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by anonymus (man) - United States

Today, I got my first facebook friend request in 4 months. I also got a message in my inbox. The message said: "Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Just ignore my friend request." FML

#4501015 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (37750) - you deserved it (5270)

On 08/13/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by Jamie (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

#4499384 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (57947) - you deserved it (5695)

On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I rented a car that has a smart key. The proximity of the key determines if the doors will unlock. I went to a meeting and returned to the car with the trunk popped open and all my luggage gone. The rental company decided to store a spare key in the glovebox for safe keeping. FML

#4494514 (79)

I agree, your life sucks (33276) - you deserved it (1762)

On 08/13/2009 at 2:42am - work - by NoKeyNoCar - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

#4488799 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (77138) - you deserved it (3092)

On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun, I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out 'YAY, I caught a whale!'. FML

#4474549 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (34184) - you deserved it (8324)

On 08/12/2009 at 1:02pm - kids - by guard35 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother sat me down to tell me that since coming home from college, I sounded like "a liberated woman". She was disappointed and disturbed by this and said that I should stop having strong opinions and ideals because it would make finding a husband for me difficult. FML

#4448635 (317)

I agree, your life sucks (41183) - you deserved it (4913)

On 08/11/2009 at 10:57am - misc - by liberatedwoman (woman) - Oman (Masqat)

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry my sister looks at my mom and says "I win!". She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

#4445611 (71)

I agree, your life sucks (31956) - you deserved it (5162)

On 08/11/2009 at 4:43am - misc - by amie (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, "Liked" this. FML

#4443925 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (37649) - you deserved it (14537)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

#4414579 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (35476) - you deserved it (9414)

On 08/09/2009 at 10:13pm - health - by Ducati (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've been seeing. Apparently he doesn't believe in condoms and took it off without my knowing; I didn't realize until after. When I asked him in horror why he would do such a thing, he said "I love you. I want you to have my child." It had been our second date. FML

#4408300 (384)

I agree, your life sucks (53735) - you deserved it (24499)

On 08/09/2009 at 2:07pm - intimacy - by SoniaLovesYou - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

#4370126 (189)

I agree, your life sucks (43226) - you deserved it (11639)

On 08/07/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Momlovesme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

#4342634 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (5642) - you deserved it (27602)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:16pm - misc - by beckzx58 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)