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beauty_blogger's favorite FMLs

Today, I turned 18. My parents gave me a card that read "now that you're 18, it's time for some boozy fun... you can do all the things you did before but legally!" Taped to the inside was my fake id that I "lost" three months ago. FML

#1418497
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13526) - you deserved it (60774)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by owned (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

#1416648
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21574) - you deserved it (227755)

On 04/28/2009 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while at work in a subscription TV call center, a 71 year old male customer went into explicit detail about the Adult's Only programming that he enjoys, including all the kinky things he learns from said programming and tries out on his 70 year old wife. FML

#1416209
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66797) - you deserved it (5963)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:44am - intimacy - by Lockie (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

#1415955
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22986) - you deserved it (101275)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

#1415940
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15170) - you deserved it (82189)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:53am - love - by H-B (man) - United States

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

#1415688
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (210158) - you deserved it (11242)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

#1413224
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55020) - you deserved it (5004)

On 04/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at Wendy's my boss approached me and told me the District Manager wanted to talk to me. I had been given a substantial raise the day before so I thought he was going to promote me to manager. Wrong, he told me I was being fired for eating a 99 cent cheeseburger. FML

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

#1409707
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (106024) - you deserved it (8239)

On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

#1409233
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14939) - you deserved it (48337)

On 04/27/2009 at 10:38pm - animals - by youwouldbeacat - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML

#1404603
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65205) - you deserved it (6818)

On 04/27/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

#1401975
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66292) - you deserved it (5703)

On 04/27/2009 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by tara22 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

#1400081
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8081) - you deserved it (70621)

On 04/27/2009 at 6:04pm - animals - by silentbutdeadly (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

#1399688
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60542) - you deserved it (6149)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:50pm - animals - by Tragic (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

#1394629
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40111) - you deserved it (17755)

On 04/27/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by fmylifechelsea (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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