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bausgusta

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bausgusta's page activity

Visits<b>Invasion976</b> - the 05/27/2013 at 3:40pm

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bausgusta's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

#8433301
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22056) - you deserved it (3701)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by kaitlin - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

#8433301
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22056) - you deserved it (3701)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by kaitlin - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

#7538814
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24258) - you deserved it (6570)

On 01/24/2010 at 3:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at work, I brewed myself a fresh cup of coffee. I set the hot coffee onto my desk. My phone rang so I answered my coffee, spilling it all over my face and body. FML

#6902851
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10471) - you deserved it (23619)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:42pm - work - by chris (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

#6089895
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20995) - you deserved it (2524)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

#4359063
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45627) - you deserved it (7617)

On 08/07/2009 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61832) - you deserved it (2321)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

#3241027
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44777) - you deserved it (26710)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by LondonKitsch (woman) - United States

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94320) - you deserved it (19948)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

#2801625
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66386) - you deserved it (14775)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22939) - you deserved it (81996)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML

#1145321
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75059) - you deserved it (7089)

On 04/20/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I decided to introduce my girlfriend to my parents by telling them that we were gonna have a very special guest for dinner. While my mom was preparing the meal she asked, "What does he like?" I'm straight. My parents thought different. FML

#407714
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81761) - you deserved it (6765)

On 03/17/2009 at 3:25am - love - by isaacBENNETT (man) - United States (Virginia)



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